What Is a Gift?

James 1:2-4 The Message Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

I was raised to think of hardship as a bad thing, or even more, as a punishment from a god who had it in for us, who was just waiting for us to cross that line, then he would strike us down. I use that as an example sometimes when talking to my kids on the importance of knowledge of Scripture. Pure Scripture, not just someone's interpretation of Scripture.

As we enter into possibly another trial, this one centered around Babycakes and whatever it is that is causing his delays and possibly even seizures, I have been comforted by these verses. I was led to them yesterday in my study on Joseph in Abounding Hope. I've been trying to read them in different translations. They all come out saying what it basically says here in The Message. God does not give us these things because he is out to knock us around for our sins. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. As a recent convert to true & living faith (I attended church my whole life) I find all these truths of Scripture to be a beacon to lead me to trust in God. Between His Word and His Spirit I have been able to realize that God really does love His children. That just because this is happening again (and I can say again coz all my kids have had something) it is not because of some vendetta God has against me. He doesn't hate me and have a terrible plan for my life. Unless that's what He had for Joseph.

These verses are major "stop whining" verses. It's hard to complain when you read that these trials are to help show your "true colors." I've been thinking about that a lot. What are my true colors? How strong is my faith, really? I know it's been getting stronger, but I still seem to trip over the simplest things.

And, of course, I want out of this. I don't want this. In fact, when we go to the specialist I think I will tell him or her, "I don't want you to find anything wrong with my "baby." I want you to tell me he's perfectly normal and I am over-reacting." :) But we are not to try to get out of anything prematurely. We are to allow these trials to work in us so we become mature and well-developed. As I read through Scripture this certainly seems to be a big theme: You can't gain maturity without trials. The bigger the trials, the more mature you become.

These things cause us to change. I know, my life has been one trial after another. Becoming a Christian hasn't changed that at all. But since coming to Christ I can see that the trials really do what these verses say. It's really been amazing. I can't see why it just isn't more popular. ;) Seriously, though, when you face trials with Christ, you don't have to be a complainer or a hater. You also don't have to be a stoic or a, well, whatever that type of person is that says, "que sera' sera'." With Christ you know that each of these trials holds a purpose and though you don't really want them, especially when they affect your children (come on, God, can't it just be something with me? why my little kids? please?), you can know that through it all something beautiful will come from it.

I don't know what's going on with BC. I don't know what the medical outcome will be. I don't know what any of this will mean for the long term, but I know that God has given it to me because He loves me enough to want me to grow in Him and closer to Him. And because He wants me to be His witness in this world. Who knows how many people I will meet as a result of this trial? How many of them might never have heard the Gospel? How many of them might be as miserable as I was before God saved me?

There is a reason for everything. God is working to bring all things together for the good of those who love Him. And I pray that through all this I will be faithful, like Joseph, and that I will bring Him glory and honor.

Five Minute Friday: What Momma Did...

Preface: OK, I will be honest, I wasn't going to write this one today. The prompt prompted me to groan and sag my head. I wanted to write about something beautiful. Something that would make people feel good. Writing about this subject is just depressing. Then, I thought, maybe not, and maybe I wasn't the only one who clicked over to the FMF page this morning and felt exactly the same way, coz, even though abuse is more often than not left unspoken of in Christian circles, I can't be the only one.

Go:

What who did?!? You don't want to know. I've talked about it a little but I'm done. It's too depressing to think about. In fact, I've noticed the more I think about it, the more it impedes my spiritual growth. So I'm done.

Well, there is one thing I'd like to say, especially to all the moms out there who had moms like mine. It's not the end. You don't have to be like that. I used to think I was eternally doomed to repeat all of my mother's failures and sins. The more I tried not to be like her, the more I became like her. Then, last year, something changed. If you're not a Christian, you won't get this. But Christ came in, shook out the old, and began to rebuild the new. The imitation of Him, not the desperate plea not to be  her. His Spirit, not the anger of the past always present in my mind. Him, the God who sent His one and only Son to die for my sins, the sin of trying to not be her instead of turning from the past and walking toward God.

We are not bound by our past. Christ comes and sets us free. He is greater than anything we have to overcome. And when we stumble and take a step or two back HE IS THERE to pick us up, brush us off, and bring us back to where He wants us. When He chooses us, He is not content to leave us where He found us. He will move us to where we ought to be. We do not have to stay slaves to what we were raised to be, Christ has a better plan.

END

Job Study Week 4

When I finished my study (Abounding Hope) this morning I turned on the radio to K-LOVE (OK, it was the online radio) and the first song they played was Worn, by Tenth Avenue North. I thought of Job, and all his sufferings.  I thought of knowing what to say and when. His friends got a big FAIL in that department. Good ole Bildad even went so far to say, in Ch 8, that Job's kids basically got what they deserved (vs.4). Wow! I was pretty blown away when I read it. Now there's a guy who could have used a lesson in when to keep your mouth shut.

As always, my mind went to people I know who believe that every bad thing that happens to us is because of some sin, secret or otherwise, in our lives. That God is always looking for ways to punish us. I try hard not to think about these people, coz it just depresses me, but this time it was useful. I thought, you know, when bad stuff happens, I already know that I should never, ever tell those people. I then realized that when we are talking with people by the way, just in general conversation, nothing serious, we lay out for them whether or not they can trust us with the big stuff. By our reaction to others problems, to certain news reports, etc., people get a general idea of how we will react to them in their hour of need. If we verbalize condemnation of people at every turn, even for little things, others will know that, even if not openly to their face, somewhere we will condemn them.

I had never really thought of it that way before. When I was younger (like 41 or less) I trusted almost every I knew, carte blanche. But in the middle of my 41st year I learned a very hard lesson, namely, that not everyone, and especially not everyone bearing the name Christian, can be trusted. As what I thought was my world was pulled out from under me like a rug, I learned that there are people who care for those in pain, and people who hate you, even if you are in pain.

In hindsight, I probably already knew that. There were huge things in my life that I shared with no one, because I knew no one who could be trusted with them. I had apparently been listening to others enough that I just knew I could not tell them what was going on. Eventually there were a few I did trust, but not like I trusted with other things.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, how many friends we have is no judge of how godly we are, or even how nice we are, but how many friends we have whose first thought when their world crashes is "I can call <insert your name here>. She'll pray/help/not judge" says more about us than anything else in our lives.

Are we that kind of person? Are we watching our conversation with our friends? Do they think we can be there for them? Will they be comfortable sharing even their darkest moments with us? When they are "worn," and when they think, "I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm too weak..." will they know they can turn to us? That they can count on us to strengthen their faith and point them to Christ? Maybe that's what the lesson is in these past two years, (Or at least, it might be one of them.) to learn the importance of knowing what to say & when to say it *before* the hard times.

On Sunday the preacher was talking about something that I probably could remember if I thought hard enough, but he had these three steps: Pray, Prepare, Practice. I think I'll steal borrow it for my purposes. When we are regularly in prayer so we are in open communication with God; when we prepare by reading God's Word so we know what is good and what is bad, and how God wants us to treat others; when we practice by using the kinds of speech  God has commanded (Col 4:6; 1 Tim 4:12 eg) in our everyday conversations, then we will let people know that we are ready to truly be their friend.

Ironically, my day ended Worn as well...

No Business for a Pessimist

Yes. Sad, but true, I'm using a line from Scarecrow & Mrs. King for a writing prompt. You knew it was only a matter of time...;)

In the third season of SMK, Lee tells Amanda that the spy business is no business for a pessimist. I'd like to argue that neither is Christianity.

Let's just start at the most obvious point...When optimists see a problem, they know there's a solution and look for it, they work to solve the problem though it might take a long time. When pessimists see a problem, throw up their hands and say it's hopeless and walk away. Which is more the way Christ followers should be?

OK, so that was too easy. Let's try it from a biblical perspective.

Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. 

Seems to rule out pessimism. If we are the salt of the earth and the light of the world, how can we be pessimists? How will that show people Christ?

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

OK, why the doom and gloom if Christ died for us? Not exactly sure how pessimists view this. Oh, sure, Christ died for us, but what is He doing for us now? What difference does that make in the long run? Kind of disturbing when you think about it.

I will be honest. I was born an optimist. But that doesn't mean I don't understand how a pessimist thinks, I spent years thinking I was one. See, I was raised by pessimists. Everything was always doom and gloom, and "poor me, there's nothing can be done for my problems." And optimists, above all others, were despised and hated. To be accepted I had to become what they were. Such is the nature of being a child. But I'm not a child anymore. (I think that bothers some people, btw.)

The pessimist views the optimist as a worthless "pie in the sky" individual, so much so, they can't see that it's the optimist who is actually doing the work, while the pessimists sit around at Starbucks, or on Facebook, and complain about how things are and gripe about how they ought to be.

But, maybe it's just me. I think that Christianity is a faith of action. No, I didn't always think that way. Spent most of my life thinking Christians were the problem. I sat around at Starbucks and on Facebook, etc... I even lucked out and found a church that agreed with me. Yes, there are churches out there that believe that Christianity is the problem with the world, and if we Christians would just get out of the way and allow society to be secularized, all the problems of the world would somehow, though not miraculously, disappear. Seriously. Sounds pretty unbelievable, and it would be for me if I hadn't lived my life surrounded by people claiming to be Christians who thought this way.

John 8:12  Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Jesus didn't say "I am the light of the Christian world," or "I am the light of the Church." He is, of course, but He claims here to be the light of the world. The whole world. Those who follow Him will have the light, but they are not to keep it to themselves. I've already referenced Matthew 5, don't make me break out in song singing "hide it under a bushel..." ;)

But, back to the pessimists and the optimists...

Ps 42:5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation

If God is our hope, where is the need for pessimism? I mean, this is God. He can do anything. He makes the earth rotate and spin around the sun. I'm pretty certain He can get us through our day-to-day problems.

Now, I'm not talking about "happy, happy, joy, joy" kind of Christianity that denies that there is pain in the world. Those kinds of Christians are not really optimists, they are in fact disguised pessimists. They put on a smile and pat the suffering on the head because they think there is no solution to any problem in the world, they just don't want to deal with it. That's pessimism at it's core, even if it wears a smile.

The true optimist knows life sucks in this world, but goes on with hope because they know they serve a great and loving God who has given the only solution to life's problems, the only hope for all our pain and suffering. And they know that, because God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, that even the bad stuff serves some type of purpose, if for nothing else that to strengthen us in our walk with Christ and make us better Christians. Oh, hey, I think that's biblical too.

Romans 5:3-5 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

True optimist can give hope to others. When others are in distress the optimist knows there is no reason to fear for themselves because they have the hope of Christ, and He will strengthen them to serve. An optimist can "be there" for a suffering person in a way that a pessimist never will be. A pessimist will be at home, sleeping soundly & obliviously, or they will be at Starbucks complaining that you didn't handle things correctly and if they were in your shoes this is how they'd have done it.

Look, this entry is as much for me as for anyone else. After 37 years in a family that could do nothing but complain and tear down, and after 15 years in a church that backed that up, the mindset still encroaches, and at the worse possible times. Funny thing is, as soon as I turn back to scripture, it pretty much dissipates....real funny, doncha think? ;)

Visual aid:

Detailing and Sin--What, you don't think about that while you're washing the car?

For those who don't know, I have a thing about my cars. I always have, just never acted on it until recently. As a young girl, cars fascinated me. I wanted to take auto-mechanics in high school but the high school counselor discouraged me...because I was a girl. My grandfather told me he could teach me what I needed to know. This apparently consisted of changing a tire and monitoring my gas mileage. The one repair he asked my help with went kind of like this. He told me the problem, I told him the solution. I don't know how I knew. I just intuitively knew (after years of watching auto racing with him and listening to guys talk about cars, ;)). He rebuffed me and told me I needed to run through a check list before I jumped to a conclusion. Tuned out I was right. End of my lessons on the cars. Even my own grandfather couldn't stand to be one-upped by a girl. This was to be the pattern for the rest of my life. Any time men were talking about a car problem, if I gave the correct "diagnosis" they were pretty incensed  Eventually I had kids and got busy talking to other moms about girly things that girly moms enjoy and tried to be content. But I hated it. It wasn't who I was.

Not long ago I embraced orneriness and said the heck with what other people think (OK, I think I probably used stronger language, ;)) and started at the easiest thing you can do with your car besides adding fluids or replacing the wipers...I started to clean and detail both the Honda and the Monster Van. We've owned the Honda for nearly 10 years, bought new, and we've owned the Monster Van about eight years, bought used after it was retired from a van pool. In that time I probably only need two hands to count how many times they've actually been thoroughly cleaned, and they've never been detailed. Needless to say they were a mess. They needed A LOT of work, especially in the detailing department. If you're ever in my cars you will see they are far from being complete and the reason is it would take probably two weeks of straight work by me to completely detail the Honda the way I'd like, and at least four weeks for the Monster Van. To show you how I came by my numbers I have inserted this incredibly awesome video from KC Detailing in Kansas. If you don't want to watch the whole video, though I can't imagine why you wouldn't, you can read the description and it will tell you what I'll be referring to.

It took at least four people, working for 25 hours, to completely detail this practically new car. As fun as that sounds, I have only one afternoon a week to work on my cars...and now that Nutcracker season is here, I have only time to clean one of the cars a week.

As you can see, the idea of completely cleaning my cars in one day is absurd. But my mind still goes there. I think, if only I could just get every inch clean. If I could spend another hour on the upholstery, or maybe the vinyl, then I could stand to look at it during the week. It's a work in progress but sometimes my perfectionist side can't stand it. Instead of seeing the parts I've done so far and realizing that just coz the other stuff isn't done doesn't mean I haven't done enough, I see what has to be done next week, or in two weeks, as the case may be.

I was thinking this today as I vacuumed the back of the Monster Van. See, what really needs to be done is all the seats need to be taken out so I can give it a good vacuuming inside...especially since Mr. Great-heat spilled a huge bag of Chewy Mini-Sweet-Tarts in there yesterday. Man, you would not believe where I found those tiny things. They really roll while you're driving. The sides in the back are also particularly nasty looking. So I began to run though the list of all the things that needed to be done just to this one vehicle. I can tell you it's pretty overwhelming. But even more overwhelming would be the need to have it all done today.

As I thought of this it seemed to correlate with my thoughts on my spiritual life of late, and of a book I've been reading, Divine Sovereignty and Human Responsibility by DA Carson. I'll write more about the book later, but I've mostly been struggling with something I know many, many people struggle with (I know this coz there is quite a bit written on the subject) why I still do things, struggle with things, or am blind sometimes to things that are sinful in my life.

For those of you who don't know, I have attended church my whole life but I would only consider myself being a Christian some time in the last year. Not because of struggles with sin, but for the lack of struggle. It's a long story which I will write more about later, but suffice to say, I consider myself fairly new to a true Christian walk. And sometimes it's pretty discouraging. At the beginning it seemed things were going along so quickly. It was a little scary but it was nice to finally be dealing with these things. Sins I had never even thought of as sins were apparent and seemed so easily "thrown off." Now, though, I feel that they have piled up...so much dirt un-dealt with over too long a time. And the consequences...oh, don't get me started on the consequences of the choices I made before my conversion. They don't just disappear when you are saved, just in case you didn't know. ;)

I ask God, "Why?" Why do people have to suffer with the consequences of my choices? Why am I still making bad choices? Why is it that I finally get one thing under control and another thing I didn't even realize I was doing pops into my head and I realize it is a sin?

I propose that, like my mess in my cars, if I had to work on all my sins at once, if God revealed every nasty thing about me in one fell swoop, I would be so overwhelmed I really would crawl into bed and never come out. I could not face it. I could not go on because I have a heck of a lot to work on.

Fortunately, God is incredibly merciful and slowly peels it back, like layers of an onion, to reveal the next thing we need to work on. It still hurts, it still stings, but if he did it all at once, we wouldn't be able to handle it any more than I can handle the idea of detailing either of my cars all in one day. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. He knows how frail we really are.

In the car department, there will be a day when my cars will look like I want them to. It won't be for at least a year (I need some more heavy duty equipment than I actually own now) but some day it will be just a matter of maintenance. That day will never come in my Christian walk. I will always have something that God needs to reveal to me, something that I'm doing against His Word. It's the sin nature and I have to come to terms with that and be thankful He didn't leave me where He found me. Besides, I know the fantasies I have about other people's cars. Their dirty cars. Once I'm done with mine, it will be hard to resist the urge to offer to clean and detail other people's cars. It's none of my business how filthy their cars are. I think that as Christians, if we came to a point where all we had to do was "maintain" we'd start fantasizing about "fixing" other Christians, and I can definitely imagine how annoying that would be. 

Blessings

I've been thinking about two different aspects of blessings that we often get very wrong. Of course, we get them wrong because of where we live; namely, here in America, or the West, where things are prosperous and our idea of poor is someone who can't afford an iPad (I'm poor, btw. ;D).

Anyway, my thoughts began on Sunday, for two different reasons. First, I began a disagreement with God. He was right, I was wrong, (um, surprise?) but I didn't want to admit it so I stubbornly dug in and refused to budge. Second, we got two sermons for the price of one during church. As one of the pastors was introducing the solo for offertory, he spoke of what we think are blessings verses what God knows are blessings.

As regards the second, God sometimes gives us difficult, painful things and they are still blessings from Him. It's hard to view them that way in the midst, I know, but how many times do we look back at those times and realize what a blessing they were. In "The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment," Jeremiah Burroughs emphasizes again and again that whatever we are given in life, good or bad, is from God's hand and we ought to rest in that knowledge so we do not commit one of the most heinous sins...grumble against God.

In the West we are sometimes taught that only good things are from God. That anything bad that happens only comes from evil and because we have sinned. I have run into too many people who think that God absolutely won't do anything good for us if we are in sin. Logically that means that none of us will ever be saved. I'm pretty certain it says "While we were YET sinners Christ died for us." But these people would rather sit in judgement over their brothers and sisters in Christ during their suffering (coz that's really what this teaching necessarily leads to) so they can view their own blessings as something they have earned themselves instead of viewing everything as something that brings glory to God.

As regards the first, as I said, I was having a disagreement with God (yes, it really is as stupid as it sounds) this week. I looked as foolish as one of my children who has decided that he doesn't need to put his shoes where they belong and is trying to argue the rightness of his position. At any rate, smack in the middle of this God worked out something that I had left in His hands last week. And He worked it out in such a way that will make for a more pleasant weekend AND save us money. To be more specific, Babycakes gets to take his ballet/tap class on Saturday (they had moved it from Monday). This was such a huge thing for me because it is something he really enjoys and I know will help in his development.

Now, using the logic that says that God only blesses us when we are good, um, well, let's be honest, nothing good would ever happen to any of us. We'd all have been wiped off the face of the earth a long time ago...probably right after Eden. I guess I have to come to the conclusion that this way of thinking about God is just something I will never understand. The God I have known loves His people, loves His creation. He is perfectly loving. His love, in fact, is so great I cannot even begin to fathom it...maybe because the moment I begin to think about it I am immediately overwhelmed by the enormity of His Grace and I can think no further on it.

Oh, in case you're wondering, God won our argument. I had no choice but to give in on Wednesday night, as I knew I would, during church. But I didn't go without a fight. I didn't want to go but God pretty much forced me due to circumstances beyond my control. Sometimes I'm more like Jonah than I like to admit. But, there, in the midst of that God still was blessing me in little ways. Found out that Babycakes is going to be promoted out of the nursery. I think he's the oldest child in there. While I wonder how he'll do for those 2.5 hrs in Sunday School, I know that this is just another thing that will help him continue to build his verbal and life skills. Yeah, God blesses me even when I don't deserve it...and I think that's a pretty good thing, all things considered.

BTW, the offertory song was this:

Religion & Relationship

There is a saying in the Christian-sphere that until this past year I found utterly offensive: It's not about a religion; it's about a relationship. Now that I can be honest with myself I would have to say that I probably found it offensive because I thought my religion was all I needed. To hear someone say something like that was an attack on everything I believed and, therefore, an attack on my very person. If there's one thing a religious person can't stand (and there are actually a lot of things we can't stand) it's the feeling we are being attacked. This feeling is usually brought on when we meet with someone who has a different set of beliefs than our own. And if there's one thing a religious person can't stand, it's someone who believes differently. :)

You see, using the definition implied in the first statement, religion is about being right and believing that we can then sit in judgment over everyone else. It's not about loving God; it's definitely not about loving others. Of course, the religious person can't see that. We are incapable of seeing past the end of our own noses. All we can see is that we are right and you are wrong, then we justify our hostility and belligerence by saying, "If you don't believe the way I do, you can't be saved."

Religion can be found in any institution. It can be conservative or liberal; it can be Arminian or Calvinist. There is no border to hold it out, no race can ever be pure enough to resist it. We are all potentially religious people. I mean this in a different way than we are all people who want something to worship. That is the good part (for lack of a better way to put it), the Imago Dei, that makes us all desire to find a god and worship it, even it if's a god of our own making. The need to be religious stems from our own need to be right, and therefore righteous in and of ourselves. That started with the fall and Adam and Eve did a great job of illustrating it when they played the blame game.

Relationship is basically about loving God and loving others. This comes by studying God's word so we can actually find out how to love Him, and, as an offshoot of loving God, we then love others. These are the two greatest commandments yet the religious person will only pay them lip-service while sadly believing themselves to be in complete conformity.

For my entire life I thought I was right to believe this way. And, quite honestly, I received very little instruction to turn my heart aright. It wasn't until I was confronted by a situation where a person whom I love deeply was affected that my eyes finally began to open to the truth. It was a hard and painful lesson. In the course of the past several years I had to face myself in the actions of another person who mirrored, and therefore acted, the way I believed, and had to realize that I was in opposition to God's very word as a result of my religion. Ultimately we had to leave our religion altogether physically as well as spiritually. That was a really, really tough realization. It always is when you must finally admit that not only were you wrong, but that you nearly destroyed everything by being wrong.

But God was extremely gracious to us, in fact I cannot ever over-emphasize his Grace toward us during all of this. I did nothing to deserve it, but He gave it to me anyway. He called me out of my self-righteous, hypocritical religious tendencies into true life with Him.

In John 10:9 Jesus says, The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. This is what "religion" does. It does it to the religious person, then the religious person does it to those around them. But Jesus goes on to say in that verse, I came that they might have life and have it abundantly. I have found this to be true. After chucking the bonds of my own personal law (a religious persons identity) and learning what it is to truly be reliant on God AND that He actually cares enough for me that I can trust Him, life did become abundant.

Now, I've probably botched this explanation on so many levels so I don't mind questions for clarification. I know there are many people within my old religion who will disagree with me and that is actually why I've kept it short...so as not to overly or unnecessarily offend anyone.

One other interesting note: I have been working on this post for several days now. Writing it, then deleting it. Anyway, I had settled on the first few paragraphs and gone off to do other things but in the meantime I found this article in Relevant. I thought it was, well, relevant to this topic coz it talks about the cruelty some people treat others when they think they are sharing truth with them. That's a lot of what I'm referring to as "religion." 

Can you really make a difference?

Tomorrow I will re-learn her name. The woman who made the biggest difference in my life, one that will matter for all eternity, not just to me, but to my family. I knew her only briefly, just a matter of weeks, once a week. But she was so different from anyone I had ever known that she has lived in my mind for years, though her name has long since gone...of course, if you know me, the name thing shouldn't surprise you. ;)

Yesterday, after I hung up from a conversation with the leader of the PSP we are joining, I realized that this woman would know her. I remember only three "facts" about her. She homeschooled through this PSP. She had long hair (I think it was blond). She moved to HI. That last thing is significant enough to make her memorable to the group, I'm sure. 

Honestly, it had been a long time since I'd thought of her, and definitely never with her significance really registering.

Last night, I listened to a rather old sermon by the pastor of our new church in which he pointed out that Christians underestimate the difference they can make in the lives of others. I thought of her. She was different. She was, absolutely, different. And that stuck with me.

I knew why she was different. She was a Christian, but more than that. Lots of people these days say they are Christians, but what difference does it make in their lives? Have they changed? Can people tell without knowing that they attend church that they are Christians? Most Christians I've known have mostly been just "nice" people who attend church and probably won't kill you or steal from you. She was different. She lived it. She meant it. Her faith rolled off her in waves. I was ashamed to call myself a Christian in her presence. I knew I didn't have faith like hers. It was in every pore of her being.

When she moved I asked God why. I had known her just a few weeks, but I knew she was someone I wanted to be around. Someone I wanted to learn from. Someone who could change my life. But it wasn't God's time. Now it is. And now I hope that I can thank her properly for being so different that I couldn't help but be forced to think about what my faith really was. Especially what it was lacking. 

The time is now, and I cannot, will not, go back.

And it's all because one woman lived her faith so fully.

Toward the end of the sermon the pastor asked how far we were willing to go to make sure people we loved were ready to go to heaven. I wonder, how far are we willing? Are we willing to change our lives so radically that people must sit up and take notice? Are we willing to offend our "friends" who are comfortable in this world?

We can make a difference, but we must be willing to be different, be cast out, be looked down on, be gossiped about, be insulted. (Had to throw the hard part in there, just in case I started thinking this was going to be easy.)

But what is all that in light of eternity? Our eternity. The eternity of those around us.