Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.~~Psalm 19:14
Monday was a great day. We had such a fun first day of Camp Mom. The kids were literally singing my praises. It was a pretty awesome day to be me. :D
At the end of the day, as per usual, we headed off to ballet. It was then that something began to trouble me. I couldn't put my finger on it no matter how hard I tried. It was a pretty normal day. I stood outside the window of Braniac's pre-ballet class with the other moms, made some conversation with them. But there was something missing. I listened as some relatively new moms questioned each other over certain aspects of class and the school. I was proud that I didn't volunteer information not inquired of me as that has long been a problem of mine at ballet. I suppose at that point you will roll your eyes and say, "Well, there you go. That was your problem." But it went deeper than that.
It hit me when I got home. It had prodded from the back of my mind the entire way home and when it broke through it wasn't pleasant.
The knowledge I have gained over the past year is that people know when you love them. And that, more than anything else will be what gets them to listen to you. As a Christian I have something very important that people need to hear. If I love them I will be concerned about their eternal destiny enough to lay aside myself and my "needs" in order to convey my love for them which, I pray, will eventually lead to an opportunity to share God's Truth with them.
I pray...that leads me to my second problem. See I'd been thinking how good I was doing. The problem was not in my words, it was in the internal focus on the wrong pronoun. I only do things through Christ. The only "I" I should focus on is the "I" that requires complete dependence on Him to do anything. A life covered in prayer is one that, though we will not be perfect, will have its overall focus on Christ and the World's need for Him, even in the little things.
I realized it's not just what I say, or don't say. It's not even how the words are spoken. It's whether or not it comes from a heart filled with love. I can say all the right things. I can act the right way. But if I don't have love, first for God, then for my fellow man, none of it matters.
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