Things Change

So, tomorrow, Spock and Mr. Great-heart, neither of whom have ever set foot in a school classroom in their 10.5 and 8.5 years, respectively, will go off to, as I have often referred to it, be institutionalized. Complete with uniforms, they will don their backpacks, and carry their lunch sacks into a building filled with teachers I don't know from Adam, and students I know even less. It is now I realize how much trust parents place in a school.

For the past month I have struggled with fears ranging from rational to irrational. Most of the struggle is between my emotional self and my practical self. My emotional self feels as if I'm letting them down. I know a lot of my fears stem from my own experiences in school. I've accepted over the past few months that most of those negative experiences were more closely related to what was going on at home, not what was going on at school. But my greatest fear is that they will lose what makes them each unique. They will somehow lose part of their personalities under pressure from friends and others. My practical self, though, knows that sending them to school is really for everyone's good. I cannot put the effort into The Teenager and Babycakes that I need, and still make sure Spock, Mr. Great-heart, and Braniac continue to do well.

Which side will win tomorrow morning when I say goodbye, God only knows. In the quiet of the evening, with all the work for tomorrow done, and all the stress of the day peeling away, it doesn't look good for the practical side. I just hope Air1 doesn't play our song by Owl City as I'm driving Babycakes to school after dropping his brothers off...or Jeremy Camp...or Toby Mac...or...well, maybe I just won't listen to the radio at all.