I wasn't going to do the
FMF today, or yesterday either. ;D Each prompt since "Rest" has prompted me to think of something that I felt deserved more time than 5 min. But when I turned over the calendar this morning to March 30, the verse was too right. The following is a bit of what I've been thinking about writing more about.
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God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. Psalm 18:20 The Message
Broken could certainly be used to describe how I felt by that fateful night in December of 2011. Maybe crushed, smashed, ground up and turned to dust would even be better because that is exactly how my soul felt. After a lifetime of abusive relationships, afflicted and afflicting, I had come to the end. There was nothing left. I lived in constant fear, though I couldn't have told you of what. I dreaded every single day, and every single night. I was in shambles. After 42 years, 3 mos, and 8 days (give or take a day) my entire world was about to come crashing down and shatter the lives of everyone around me as well. My children, my friends. And then, in one instant, it was over. In one instant I was made whole. In one instant the death in me was gone and I breathed for the very first time. It's hard to describe to people who have lived their lives as Christians or who are not Christians what conversion is like. I don't know if people can understand who have never gone from utter darkness into complete light. How can you explain what it's like to have every part of you fixed in one instantaneous moment. Oh, sure, there are still issues, but I am no longer broken. I am no longer in pieces. I placed all the pieces, the powder as it were, before Him, and He INSTANTANEOUSLY made me complete.
Wow. Sara, I'm speechless. This testimony is so profound and gives me goosebumps. You're probably right - maybe those of us who haven't experienced a conversion like yours, from utter darkness to complete light, cannot really understand what that's like. I don't think I can. But what a precious treasure you hold in this experience, sister. Thank you, thank you for sharing. My heart praises the Savior who puts all the pieces together. (Joining from FMF)
ReplyDeleteAmber. Thanks. So it made sense? I've never really shared before. It's so recent and I had spent 15 years before that at a church that basically mocked this sort of thing, they wouldn't come right out and say there was no such thing as a conversion experience but since they themselves had never had one (the pastors we had all seemed to have grown up in the church) they didn't like people talking about it. It was weird. Anyway, I am babbling. :D Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It was very encouraging. I might sit down and write the whole thing out one day. :) Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday. :)
DeleteThat's amazing. Glad you decided to write.
ReplyDeleteLaura Hedgecock
http://www.TreasureChestOfMemories.com
http://www.twitter.com/LauraLHedgecock
Thanks Laura. And thanks for leaving a comment. :) Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday.
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ReplyDeleteWOW!!!
ReplyDeleteVery nice!!
What great encouragement.
Thank you for deciding to write.
Never stop.
The fact that you were intrigued to read some of my past posts makes me really giddy.
I had suffered from depression and post partum depression during my older son's life and I am always interested in people who are brave enough to post about that in public.
DeleteThanks for your comment. I hope I can find more time to write. I enjoy it. :)